These past few weeks I have been feeling more nostalgic than usual, thinking back on the last fifty two weeks and the fact that I’ve been a mum for a full year.
On Thursday October 29, 2015 Kyle and I had just returned from California and were busy unpacking, doing laundry- Kyle had decided he was going to do a short workout (7 minutes to be exact) and asked if I wanted to join…I figured he was a great opportunity to do the test so I passed on the workout. I don’t think the possible outcome of being pregnant had sunk in because when the two very dark pink lines appeared, I nearly fainted. I had no plan on how to tell Kyle so I took 2 more tests because I had to be positive- same 2 dark pink lines appeared almost immediately…it was for sure. I didn’t have much time so I grabbed a piece of paper, a blue and pink felt, wrote an eviction notice and placed it in his underwear drawer along it the test. Now the time it took him to find it and read it was the longest few minutes of my life. Once he clued in we were both over the moon, celebrated and then Kyle had to go to work. But what a wonderful welcome home gift it was!
Over the next forty-one weeks I found myself loving this little person more than I knew possible. Even though Nixon was only born almost four months ago, I believe my role as a mother began when he was conceived. The strongest instinct that I found I had toward this child was to protect it from everything and to make sure that he knew he was loved. Now for the first nine months that meant every decision went through an extra filter of, ‘is it beneficial for the baby?’ What a wonderful gift those nine months are. As difficult as some moments were, it was the beginning of learning what it was going to mean to sacrifice for this baby- and it was worth every bout of sickness, every back ache and every sleepless night.
Once Nixon was born my world was shaken once again, nothing had prepared me for the work it was going to be to bring Nixon here or the work the next few weeks & months were going to be. It was the biggest lesson in sacrificial love, loving others when they can’t repay you and putting his needs before my own. Nixon is a pretty easy going baby but that does not mean that I am able to keep up with the house work, shower and do my hair as often as I used to, or accomplish all those newborn DIY projects I had planned.
Slowly, I am learning that it’s okay to not accomplish everything. Instead of vacuuming I sit and watch him sleep because he is changing incredibly fast. Instead of checking social media, I talk with him because he mimics the sounds I make and they are adorable. Instead of making my home ‘Pinterest perfect’, we go for walks because the world is an incredible place and I want him to experience as much of it as possible. Now hear me when I say that a clean house, social media and DIY’s are not bad things and if you can do it all a huge props to you and I would love your advice!
For me, being a mom for a year can be summed up in this- imperfect attempts at finding balance. Some weeks, days, hours even minutes seems like heaven on earth and when they don’t there’s grace & thank goodness for that.