my wife is not my best friend

here are three things we want to say about marriage and friendship:

one. your spouse can be your best friend, like we said before, there has to be a level of friendship in every marriage, the problem occurs when replace your actual best friend for your spouse. you need friends, even when you’re married. sure, your spouse will be your best friend in the sense that you tell them everything first, but don’t replace your actual best friend with your spouse. don’t trade them.

two. your spouse is more than a best friend. that’s the problem we have with calling your spouse your best friend. it takes away from everything else they are. they’re your lover. they’re your companion. they’re way more than a best friend. they’re a spouse, a husband or wife. the term best friend is what we don’t like because we feel it devalues how much more he or she is to you.

three. don’t treat your spouse like you treat your best friend. they need to be treated better, as more than a best friend, not the same way you treat your best friend. that was the point behind saying “your wife is not one of the boys. and ladies, your husband doesn’t wanna be one of the girls. your best friend can change, your spouse shouldn’t.”

has your best friend changed since childhood? mine has. things change and we change who our friends are, but we should never change who our spouse is. marriage is a covenant not a contract.

hope that clears things up and we apologize to those who were offended by the way the last post was written. 

3 thoughts on “my wife is not my best friend

  1. Rena says:

    hmm I’m not sure how I feel about this essay. I feel like you might be confusing one idea of a best friend with one that you might have learned in high school. “Best friend” shouldn’t be this strict black and white idea of a same sex friend who you play football with and talk to about “guys stuff.” If what you mean to say is that you should have same-sex friends that are separate from your relationship with your spouse then I completely agree with you! But saying that it’s “cliche” or “a problem” to call your spouse your best friend is a little unnerving. In my experience, my notion of “best friend” shifted when I got married and was able to share in everything with one person — things I wouldn’t share with my girl friends. The reason I call Lucas my best friend is because he and I share more exclusively than any other relationship I have — we work and play together. And not only do I get to enjoy Lucas romantically but I also get to enjoy him in shared activities and social outings not to mention he’s usually the first person I go to when I’ve had a bad day at work. How could I not call the person I do life with my best friend? That’s what being a best friend is… But that’s my opinion. I would be careful with pointing fingers at others marriages that you may feel are “a problem”. God-honouring marriages can take on many forms and look different from one another!


  2. Rena says:

    I really appreciate how well the feedback was recieved and in reading the response, it’s clear that perhaps it just was midworded the first time around. I agree with the above! It definitely is super important that we continue to elevate our spouse above our other friendships …. They will be on a very different level of love, commitment, and sacrifice although you still get to enjoy them in recreation and play the same way you would a close friend. Really well recieved second revision! And I really hope I didn’t seem too aggressive as I know I did feel a bit on the defensive side. But it’s always good to get taking about these ideas 🙂


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