you didn’t actually think we were going to tell you about our sex life, did you?
well we aren’t, but we are gonna talk about how we handle our sex life in the context of our marriage.
first off, our sex life within our marriage is to be protected. we are both aware of this. since the beginning of our marriage, including while on our minimoon, we had to put this into practice. newlyweds know what we’re talking about and soon-to-be newlyweds this is your warning, your friends are nosy. especially the unmarried ones. we both had friends text us while on our minimoon something like this, “soooo how was it?” and even though there isn’t a winky face at the end of the text you can basically assume there should be one there, but it goes beyond texts; if you hang out with friends one on one you can assume this will come up at least once. our friends we hang out with haven’t explicitly asked the question but based on where they decide to take the conversation you know what they’re fishing for, don’t take the bait. to this point, sam and i have not talked about our sex life with anyone and it will stay that way, as it should, unless circumstances come up where it is necessary.
i [kyle] would say guys are both more interested in other guys’ sex lives and more likely to talk about their own sex life. here is what i would say to the guys about this: shut it. your wife has just put herself in the most vulnerable position a girl can put herself in by getting intimate with you, why would you jeopardize that? talking about it just exposes her. as the leader of the relationship it is your responsibility to protect this and protect her. i’m not a girl, obviously, but i can guess, and sam agrees, that it would be hard to trust a man who talks openly about his sex life with other people. trust is huge in regards to sex because if she can’t trust you then there is no way she can be intimate with you, at least not the way you want it. she needs to know that you cherish and respect her enough to love only her and not the responses you may get because of her. so, when approached with the ‘soooo how was it?’ scenario, don’t lie, tell them, “it was great” because hopefully it was. this is how both sam and i responded to our friends; we didn’t want to lie but we wanted to protect our sex life at the same time. lastly, when it all comes down to it, why does anyone else need to know about your sex life? it doesn’t benefit them, it only hurts your marriage.
ladies, i [sam] need to let you know that we aren’t off the hook on this. we talk, a lot, we gossip and share almost everything with our girlfriends; sex needs to be off limits. once married, boundaries need to be established to protect both you and your husband. maybe it was your husband’s first time, maybe it was embarrassing, maybe it was awkward, by telling your girlfriends about your sex life all you are doing is tearing him down. you aren’t being encouraging, you aren’t building him up and you aren’t being supportive. just as us women desire to be protected and cared for, our husbands need to be respected and know that we have their backs above anyone else. also, as kyle mentioned, having sex puts us [women] in an extremely vulnerable position physically, emotionally and spiritually- why are you willing to risk that going public where it can be criticized, questioned or even exploited? any chance of that will have a drastic impact on your individual self-esteem which without a doubt will be felt negatively in your sex life. but God designed sex to between a husband and his wife, keep it there.
another important aspect of this – for both husbands and wives – is to not go sharing it with your unmarried friends. we have found them to be the most curious…and logically, why wouldn’t they be? sex has this hype around it that can’t be explained and it’s taboo before marriage. please please please protect your marriage, and them by zipping it. all that is going to happen by sharing experiences is feed their curiosity, likely lead to them thinking about it more and potentially acting on it. .
the one thing we both agree on and will tell you in regards to what we have experienced in our sex life is this: sex is way more than just physical. there are spiritual, emotional and mental aspects tied to sex for both the husband & the wife. oh, and it really is great.
protect others, protect each other, protect yourselves, protect your marriage.