A year ago today I was more exhausted than I thought possible as we fought to bring Nixon into this world. Today he turns one and I am full of every emotion possible. Watching your baby grow is one of life’s greatest gifts – because not only do you get to see them continually learn, you learn so much about yourself. I knew parenting was going to cause me to have to change but I wasn’t aware just how much.
From the day Nixon was overdue I began learning to let go of the planning perfectionist in me – because he simply wasn’t having any of it. That lesson continued through trying to schedule plans around naps or even achieving certain milestones by a specific age that I had put so much of my parenting success on – he’s always had his own plan and is determined to stick to it.
Being a mum has taught me to trust my gut feeling more than ever before. No one will ever know your child better than you do, therefore be your child’s best advocate. Sometimes that’s hard because it wasn’t what I planned or what society was telling me but in the end it always turned out better than I could have imagined.
As Nixon has grown up he has always taught me how important it is to still find time for me. As he has become more independent I’ve already started to realize that he won’t need me forever and already needs me less in some ways and more in others. If I don’t keep time for myself – date nights with his dad, hobbies, friends etc. I will centre my world on him and that won’t be healthy for either of us.
Most importantly, above all the growing both of us have done this year, becoming a mum has given me just a glimpse into the love God has for us. The minute I heard Nixon cry and he was laid on my chest my love for him, for Kyle, for our new family of three grew exponentially. No matter how long, tiring and frustrating the days are my love for Nixon never waivers and I can say without a doubt that I love him more today than I did a year ago in that hospital room.
You likely will never remember your first year but it will be a year I will never forget. You have been the answer to all my prayers of starting a family. You are a perfect mix of your dad and I; gentle and laid back but stubborn and determined. I could have never imagine all that I would have learned in just one year but every day bring new challenges and even greater rewards as I watch you grow into the handsome man God created you to be. My prayer for you is that you would never loose the wonder in your eyes, joy in your smile and love in your heart as you continue to explore the world around you.
‘I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living
My baby you’ll be.’
I couldn’t be more proud to be your mum – thank you for giving me such a gift.
Happy Birthday Nix!